November 23, 2009

Defusing Anger Effectively

Filed under: Uncategorized — David Seltzer @ 8:33 am

One of the most destructive forces in a person’s life is anger that is out of balance and overly intense. Such anger has the power to wreak havoc in all our relationships, including with our spouse, our children, our friends and our work colleagues.

Being involved in a difficult situation or relationship and yet maintaining an inner calm, with feelings of peace and security, allows a person to flow through life with joy and happiness, building positive feelings within himself that radiates to all other individuals with whom he relates each day.

The exercise that follows is tried and true. Doing it three times a day for forty days in a row has proven instrumental in helping people with serious tempers to change dramatically, to the point that they can deal effectively with situations that in the past caused them to fall apart totally.

This exercise involves several essential elements working together in harmony:

1) Breathing

2) Connecting to our individual inner rhythm

3) Making a positive-choice affirmation

4) Utilizing the seven energetic windows

Breathing

Every time we take a fresh breath of air into our lungs we are connecting to a new level of infinite potential and positive life force. The physical aspect of the air we breathe provides the means to renew every single cell in our body. Whereas a person can survive for several days without water and for several weeks without food, a lack of air will lead to loss of life within minutes.

In addition to its physical nature and benefits, every breath of air contains infinite spiritual potential (Tikkunei Zohar 37b). Every time we breathe we connect to all the potential contained in our environment. The air enters our bloodstream and flows to all our cells and tissues, allowing us to create new beginnings and opportunities for positive self-change in every aspect of our body and soul.

If at the moment we breathe, we actively think a positive affirmation in our minds, then the spiritual force contained in our positive thoughts joins forces and integrates with the latent creative energy within the breath. The air that reaches each cell brings with it a specific choice and direction of positive self-change, allowing the individual to choose the specific area in which he would like to create new outlooks, responsibility and reactions.

Connection to Our Individual Inner Rhythm

Every individual has an inner rhythm that permeates every aspect of his life. Some people speak and act quickly, others are more methodical. Each rhythm is geared to the individual, enabling him to achieve the purpose for which he was created in the best possible way.

A great rabbi once lost a very large sum of money, yet when his students saw him on that day, he seemed as content and as joyous as usual. One of the students was concerned and asked him, “Rebbe, but aren’t you worried?”

“My father-in-law took me as a son-in-law because he saw that I get things done faster than other people,” the rabbi responded. “What takes other people a week to worry about, I can worry about in an hour!”

On the other hand, worry is not always a bad thing. We all know individuals who accomplish a tremendous amount because they worry and make sure that each detail is taken care of properly and fully.

The basis of positive change is the realization that we need to change at the pace that is most appropriate for us. If we try to rush the process we may skip essential steps, which may force us to start all over again, or which may cause us to create change in a way that is incomplete and far from our positive personal goals. Yet if we try to be overly methodical we can stagnate.

Rabbi Nachman of Breslov told his chassidim to learn quickly while not sacrificing thoroughness – to endeavor to understand what they are learning to the full extent that their capabilities allow, but not to get bogged down with certain points that seem impossible to comprehend at that time. He suggested making note of those places that seem too difficult. “Usually” he commented, “the next time you review the material, you will find that the broad knowledge you gained by moving on in your learning and not spending too much time on each point will help you understand what eluded you the first time you learned the material.”

On a physical level, we connect to our inner rhythm by holding our pulse. The rate and beat of our pulse tunes us in completely to our inner rhythm at that moment. Even in a single individual this rhythm can vary from day to day and even from hour to hour. By holding our pulse, we connect to our “energetic place” right now.

Positive-Choice Affirmation

Most of us have many aspects of our nature that we would like to change or improve; but if we try to change too many characteristics at once, we are likely to end up changing none at all (see Yoma 80a). The key to successful change is to chose one specific goal and work on only that goal for a designated period of time, until we achieve the desired change. Choosing one particular goal and creating a positive-choice affirmation geared to achieving that goal is a surefire way of moving ourselves to a higher level of success.

Since this exercise is geared for defusing anger, the positive-choice affirmation suggested here deals specifically with that issue. However, this technique can be used as well to negate fears, worries or other negative behavior patterns, merely by changing the specific positive-choice affirmation used.

The Seven Energetic Windows

glands We have already discussed these seven windows in our technique of “Connecting to Your Essential Intrinsic Self.” Let us review the essential nature of these areas.

body front chakras reduced We have the ability to connect to positive self-change by accessing what is known as the seven energetic windows.

These energetic windows allow us to connect with our potential in seven distinct areas. These seven areas are connected to the endocrine system of the body and to our system of inner communication.

The seven windows, and their meanings, are:

Window	Place your hand	Catalyst for connection/actualization
Pineal Gland	Top of head	one’s infinite positive potential
Pituitary Gland	Forhead	the mind’s eye and intuition
Thyroid	Throat	open, balanced, positive communication
Thymus	Upper chest	unconditional self-protection, love and acceptance
Adrenal	Solar plexus	instinctive body-level awareness*
Leydig Cells	Below the navel	positive self-actualization
Pubic Gland	Pubic arch	positive self-appreciation

Procedure of the Exercise:

This exercise is divided into two stages, with each stage having a specific goal. The first stage is designed to help us connect to our individual inner rhythm, in order to facilitate negation of anger, as anger puts us out of balance. The second stage introduces the positive-choice affirmation integrated with the seven energetic windows.

Stage One

pulse checking 1: Hold your pulse. If you are unfamiliar with holding your pulse, the easiest way to do so is to curl your right hand (if you are right-handed) around the wrist of your left hand. Press gently without applying undue pressure, and you will probably feel your pulse beat. (For the purpose of this exercise, as you feel each beat of your pulse, count each beat of the pulse in your mind.)

2: Slowly breathe in one long breath while counting six beats of your pulse.

3. Hold your breath in your lungs while counting six beats of your pulse.

4. Slowly breathe out one long breath while counting six beats of your pulse.

5. Refrain from taking another breath while counting six beats of your pulse.

Repeat steps 2 through 5 six times in a row. Stage One of this exercise will take approximately two to three minutes.

Note: If either counting six beats of your pulse or repeating steps 2 through 5 is difficult to do, try starting with three or four pulses or three or four repetitions, and build up from there as you gain more proficiency in the technique.

Congratulations on having completed Stage One.

Stage Two

Note: For Stage Two we will use the following positive-choice affirmation:

“I choose to release all negative feelings that block my ability to stay totally calm in every situation and relationship.”

Note: Stage two is divided into seven steps. Each step has four parts.

Part 1 connects you to the positive-choice affirmation.

Part 2 is to allow you to utilize the positive-choice affirmation to cleanse your outer environment, which has been blocking your connection to the potential held in the specific area of the brain on which you are focused.

Part 3 integrates the positive-choice affirmation with your inner environment while activating the power within the specific area of the brain that is being accessed.

Part 4 allows you to let go of the previous step, renew and ready yourself for the next step.

Step 1

1. While holding your pulse, breathe in slowly while thinking the positive-choice affirmation (above). It is not necessary to count pulse beats in this step.

2. Hold your breath while imagining the positive-choice affirmation floating two inches above your head. (Connecting to your infinite positive potential negates anger and creates ongoing calmness.)

3. Breathe out slowly while imagining the positive-choice affirmation floating down into your head.