The emotional nature of a human being is extremely deep, often infinitely so. It is not uncommon for someone to become overwhelmed when he experiences the full range of his feelings that a negative situation or trauma elicits. This often happens when one is angry.
Imagine an empty glass on a table. Someone comes and fills the glass half-full with water. A little while later, someone else enters the room and fills the glass to the brim. If a third person comes along and adds more water, then the water will simply overflow, since there is no room left in the glass.
Take a look at a typical day for a man named George: He gets up in the morning bursting with vigor and full of happy expectations. When he enters the kitchen to eat breakfast, his wife is busy with the baby and forgets to say good morning. He feels slightly put out, but, “No big deal; that’s life,” he tells himself, and he puts it out of his mind. He may think he just forgot about it, but in reality, that subtle insult is stored in some inner niche, filling up his emotional “glass” to a certain degree.
Some time later, his boss walks in to work raging and caustically accuses George of some minor infraction. The boss may apologize later, but inside George’s subconscious mind, the “glass” has been filled up a little more.
His day proceeds as it usually does, and by the time George reaches home, weary in late afternoon, his glass is filled almost to the brim. His son Larry arrives home from school and shows him his report card, where the teacher has written, “Larry has high potential, but unfortunately he does not live up to it.” Because Larry is an extension of George, George is quite shaken. All of a sudden a huge rage surfaces within him and a volcano erupts. George starts yelling and screaming at Larry, embarrassing him in front of his siblings and making him want to run away and never see that teacher again.
A half-hour later, George calms down and starts to question himself. “What made me so angry?” he wonders. “I used to get worse report cards than this!” George cannot figure out why that small remark from Larry’s teacher caused him to fly into such a temper. But the reality is that it wasn’t the remarks Larry’s teacher sent home; it was the cumulative buildup of all the “insignificant,” degrading incidents he had suffered throughout the day, which had finally surfaced. The teacher’s note was simply the straw that broke the camel’s back; it was the additional bit of stress that pushed George over his limit and emptied his glass right on top of Larry’s head.
The time to defuse anger, or any other negative emotion, is before it reaches the top of the glass. Generally speaking, once the glass reaches its limit, the average person will become overwhelmed and lose control. However, if he defuses the anger before it reaches its limit, he can quite successfully avoid becoming angry at all.
The key to successfully defusing negative emotions is a tool known as the Healing Pathways Emotional Spectrum Matrix [E.S.M.]:
[Note: You may download a PDF of the Emotional Spectrum Matrix for printing and viewing offline HERE. Or, if you prefer to print out this entire exercise including the Emotional Spectrum Matrix, simply go to File > Print in the top left of your browser.]
Let’s take an in-depth look at the E.S.M.
The E.S.M. consists of twelve major categories of emotions. Six of the categories are positive [Love, Delight, Pleasure, Courage, Anticipation and Willing] and six are negative [Hate, Rejection, Sadness, Fear, Hopelessness and Anger]. The six positive emotional categories parallel the six negative ones as direct opposites. Love is the opposite of Hate, Delight is the opposite of Rejection, and so on. Each of the major categories contains ten subcategories. Each subcategory on the positive side is the reverse of the same-level category on the negative side. Oneness is the opposite of separation, attunement is the opposite of opposing, and so on.
Using the E.S.M. to defuse negative emotions and stress
Using the E.S.M. to defuse stress and negativity involves the following elements:
- A troublesome issue or negative emotion
- A copy of the E.S.M.
- Frontal / occipital holding
- Knowledge of your biological age
- A statement of positive choice
Let’s examine each of these five elements:
1. A troublesome issue or negative emotion
A troublesome issue might be any of the following (or any similar issues):
- A problem at work or with the boss
- A problem at home or with the spouse
- Feeling depressed
- A tendency to blow up
- An abusive past
You will need a copy of the E.S.M. To obtain your own copy of the E.S.M., simply download it from this site or, if you prefer, use the E.S.M. that appears above, directly from the computer screen.
2. A copy of the E.S.M.
To obtain your own copy of the E.S.M., simply download it from this site or, if you prefer, use the E.S.M. that appears above, directly from the computer screen.
3. Frontal / occipital holding
To do this exercise deeply and thoroughly, it is useful to understand some basic concepts in brain function.
Picture an imaginary line running up the side of the head, right through the ear. This line is known as the VAL – the vertical auricular line (see picture at right). The portion of brain in front of the VAL is the forebrain, known as frontal brain lobe. The portion of the brain behind the VAL is the back-brain. The part of the back-brain opposite the eyes is called the occipital brain lobe. {image}
The forebrain deals with creative, nonemotional, present-time thinking. The back-brain deals with visual input and insight.
4. Knowledge of your biological age
Generally speaking, stress and negative reactivity to troublesome situations do not begin in the present time. They usually have roots in events that happened at earlier ages. Part of a successful defusing of stress is accessing all the ages that are part and parcel of the negative reactions that are elicited within the person today.
5. A statement of positive choice
By enunciating what we want [as opposed to what we don't want], we can give a directive to our mind [on both the conscious and the subconscious level], which produces a base for positive, beneficial change.
The Stress-Defusing Procedure
For this example, we will work with a tendency toward anger, but any stressful issue can be inserted in place of the anger issue.
- Take your copy of the E.S.M. and place it in front of you, where you can read it easily and without strain.
- For this exercise, sit comfortably in your favorite chair, place one hand gently on your forehead, thereby activating your forebrain thinking mode. Place your other hand gently on the back of your head, opposite but slightly lower than the first hand. This activates the positive visual perception thinking mode.
- Look at the E.S.M and, while holding your forehead and the back of your head (frontal and occipital lobes), say aloud the following Positive Choice Statement (PCS):
I choose to release, [breathe deeply]
completely and totally, 100 percent, [breathe deeply]
all negative feelings [breathe deeply]
that create self-punishing behaviors, [breathe deeply]
self-destructive behaviors, [breathe deeply]
self-deception and sabotage, [breathe deeply]
and inner self-conflicts, [breathe deeply]
of all tendencies to blow up in uncontrollable anger [or substitute a different issue], [breathe deeply]
including feelings of:
At this point, begin to recite the feelings listed on the negative side of the E.S.M. Start from Hate, and recite all its subcategories – Separation, Confused, Rigid, Alone, etc., until Inadequate – breathing deeply after reciting each emotion. Once you have completed all the negative emotions listed under Hate, go on to recite Rejection, together with all its subcategories – Unacceptable, Humiliated, Blocked, etc., until Insensitive – breathing deeply after reciting each emotion. Continue in this fashion until you have recited all the remaining categories of Sadness through Anger, with all their respective subcategories, breathing deeply after reciting each emotion…
Next, it is time to access all the different ages on the continuum of your life, as causes of this stress. Since it is most likely that you don’t know which ages are involved in the causes and which are not, we start with your current biological age and move backward. For the purpose of this example, let’s say your current biological age is 30. Continue with the following statement:
…which I experienced at age:
30 [breathe deeply]
29 [breathe deeply]
28 [breathe deeply]
[Continue with all ages (take a deep breath after each age) until you reach age 1:]
3 [breathe deeply]
2 [breathe deeply]
1 [breathe deeply]
[For your first year of life, continue by months:]
12 months old [breathe deeply]
11 months old [breathe deeply]
[Continue with all months (take a deep breath after each age) until you reach birth:]
2 months old [breathe deeply]
1 month old [breathe deeply]
birth [breathe deeply]
[For your nine months within your mother's womb (many times a child within the womb feels and absorbs the stress the mother experiences in her life), continue by months:]
9 months in the womb [breathe deeply]
8 months in the womb [breathe deeply]
Continue listing all months (take a deep breath after each age) until you reach conception.
2 months in the womb [breathe deeply]
1 month in the womb [breathe deeply]
conception [breathe deeply].
Congratulations! You have successfully begun the defusing of past stress that is at the base of what troubles you.
Now it is time to infuse the positive feelings you want to replace the negative feelings.
4: Look at the E.S.M, and while holding your forehead and the back of your head (frontal and occipital lobes), say aloud the following Positive Choice Statement (PCS).
And I choose instead [breathe deeply]
to connect with my intrinsic essential positive self, 100 percent, [breathe deeply]
including feelings of [breathe deeply]…
At this point, begin to recite the feelings listed on the positive side of the E.S.M. Start from Love, and recite all its subcategories – Oneness, Aligned, Open, Happy, etc., until Quiet – breathing deeply after reciting each emotion. Once you have completed all the positive emotions listed under Love, continue on to recite Delight, together with all its subcategories – Aspiring, Desire, Motivated, etc., until Worthy – breathing deeply after reciting each emotion. Continue in this fashion until you have recited all the remaining categories of Pleasure through Willing, with all their respective subcategories, breathing deeply after reciting each emotion…
At this point, it is time to infuse all your ages with the beneficial energy of these positive emotions. We start with conception, which is where we left off when we were releasing all negative emotions, and continue back up to the present time. Continue by reciting the following statement:
…and to infuse my conscious and subconscious mind with these positive feelings at age:
conception [breathe deeply]
1 month in the womb [breathe deeply]
2 months in the womb [breathe deeply]
[Continue with all months (take a deep breath after each age) until you reach birth:]
8 months in the womb [breathe deeply]
9 months in the womb [breathe deeply]
birth [breathe deeply]
[For your first year of life, continue by months:]
1 month old [breathe deeply]
2 months old [breathe deeply]
[Continue with all months (take a deep breath after each age) until you reach one year of age:]
11 months old [breathe deeply]
1 year old [breathe deeply]
2 [breathe deeply]
3 [breathe deeply]
[Continue with all ages (take a deep breath after each age) until you reach age 30 (if that is your age):]
28 [breathe deeply]
29 [breathe deeply]
30 [breathe deeply]
Congratulations! You have successfully begun the infusion of positive emotions that form the base of the new balanced and stable you!
Make it a practice to do this exercise once a day until you have your troublesome issue under control.
