The Chafetz Chaim, a great Talmudic sage and one of the most prolific writers of the past century, wrote dozens of books geared to helping the Jewish people deal successfully with the spiritual issues of their troubled times. His books, written in a clear and interesting style, have been a source of inspiration to thousands of Jews the world over, and they remain so to this day.
Once a non-Jewish admirer of the Chafetz Chaim asked him, “Why don’t you use your tremendous talent to write novels? There’s no question that your works would be best-sellers, and you would make a fortune!”
In response, the Chafetz Chaim told him the following parable.
Yosef, a simple Jew, needed to get from his hometown of Pinsk to the large city of Minsk. As he had no money, he figured he would simply walk there. He set out in the morning with a brisk stride and kept up his pace for several hours. Finally, around midday, he stopped for a bite to eat and to rest a bit. He sat under a shady tree and began his meal.
A wealthy man, riding in a beautiful carriage on his way from Minsk to Pinsk, spied Yosef at the side of the road. “Climb in!” he exclaimed. “I’ll take you straight to Pinsk.” Yosef just shook his head.
The rich man was a bit annoyed. “Hey, I’m offering you a free lift! Why don’t you come into my coach?”
Yosef, who had just finished his sandwich, replied, “Well, where are you going?”
“To Pinsk,” said the man.
“Getting a ride with you won’t help me,” Yosef explained. “I’m going in the opposite direction – I’m on my way to Minsk!”
The Chafetz Chaim then told his admirer, “Making money is not my goal. Helping Jews is my goal! The time and effort it would take me to write a novel would serve only to take me away from what I really want to do!”
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When we talk about healing ourselves, this principle of the Chafetz Chaim applies beautifully. We need to understand our goals and to recognize in what ways we are blocked and what we need to do to alleviate the problems we face. This requires a fair amount of clarifying and defining. If we don’t recognize the underlying cause of what is troubling us, our ability to resolve the issue is weakened considerably. In fact, we may even end up heading in the opposite direction of where we need to go, and then it is guaranteed that we won’t end up where we want to be!
Healing Pathways uses a “model” to help us clarity our goals and to understand how energetic blockages occur and how they affect us. The model on which Healing Pathways is based is the integration of our environment, our personality and our personal perception.
The Ten Elements of Environment
Essence
Every one of us functions within an environment, and a large portion of the challenge of life is in dealing successfully with our environment rather than merely trying to survive it. Our environment is full of ongoing change, which provides us with new options and opportunities constantly. The way we relate to these opportunities reflects our inner essence.
Everyone has an intrinsic essential self, the aspect that represents a person’s individual uniqueness, that sets him apart from everyone else and that allows him to fulfill his special purpose in creation. Essence represents the person’s ability to be aware of and to connect to his intrinsic essential self.
Essence represents the unique way in which every individual is different from all others and how he reflects that uniqueness in the challenges he encounters in life. Louis Braille used his handicap of blindness to invent the Braille system, to enable countless blind people throughout the world to read and write. An eminent heart surgeon who was born dyslexic designed a new approach to heart surgery that altered the field completely, all because he had to create a new and different outlook on the subject.
Essence, then, is the first category of our environment.
Quantity
Life demands that we set in place beneficial boundaries and definitions: We have day and we have night; we have a green light to tell us to drive and a red light to tell us to stop. Creating boundaries helps us recognize what is an appropriate risk (such as investing a thousand dollars of extra cash in a solid stock) and what is inappropriate (such as mortgaging our home in order to invest all the money in stocks). Boundaries allow us to quantify: Joe has one car, Larry has three; Susan has a giant, friendly Saint Bernard, Julie has a tiny poodle that hates strangers.
Quantity is the second category of our environment.
Quantity gives meaning to the experience of life by enabling us to set useful and beneficial boundaries, defining thereby the different dimensions of our lives. We define the quantity of a physical substance by three dimensions – length, width and depth; in the same way, our lives are multidimensional. Our perspectives, too, are multidimensional, and as such, we speak of a long life, a broad-minded individual or an in-depth research project. Quantity gives us the positive self-direction to channel our essence, our infinite positive potential, and so to enjoy and actualize our various talents and capabilities.
Quality
To most people the quality of life is very important. One woman redoing her home might choose to paint her living room a pale blue, while another will prefer a light pink. A child might not touch any of the green vegetables in the salad bowl but will take as many cherry tomatoes as his mother will allow. One student will spend all his free time on the basketball court, another will remain in the study hall researching in depth a topic that interests him. As the common expression goes, different strokes for different folks.
Quality, the third category of our environment, allows for creativity, for the ability to be flexible and to tackle a problem from different angles, depending on the specific goal for which one is aiming. It represents the ways in which we organize, manage and direct our lives, depending on our individual feelings and attitudes. Quality refers to our natural ability to clarify concepts and make positive choices, thus giving specific focus to our lives.
A new idea may have a number of dimensions and much potential, but we will need to develop the idea before we can create a useful project or goal.
The aspect of quality gives rise to a creative mindset, one that leaves us flexible and ready to tackle our daily challenges eagerly and constructively.
Relationships
Our lives are centered around our relationships. We start off with parents, grandparents and perhaps siblings, and as we grow we add friends, classmates, teachers, acquaintances, business associates and others. The ability to relate positively and in balance with others will serve as a deciding factor in whether we flow smoothly through life or find ourselves often stuck in quibbles and uncomfortable situations.
The fourth category of our environment, relationships, involves our ability to connect – both to ourselves and to other people. Each of us is multifaceted: we relate to our world both spiritually and physically; we interact with other people both intellectually and emotionally. To relate successfully we need to be aware of who we are right now and how we perceive the person we will be in the future.
Relationships is about finding inner balance as we learn to integrate our various “selves” harmoniously, without our spiritual component negating our physical component, or vice versa, and without our intellect squelching our emotions, or vice versa. Rav Avigdor Miller, who taught several Torah classes a day until he was well over the age of ninety, was careful to eat only healthy foods and to take a walk daily, both for exercise and to contemplate the wonders and continuous kindnesses of the Creator. Very intentionally, he made room for all aspects of himself in his life.
Likewise, relationships involve commitment to other individuals. Our relationships with others demand that we develop greater self-awareness as well. Eventually, we learn to look at every relationship in our life as both a growth experience and a means by which to perfect ourselves, through the challenges and opportunities that come with our evolving interactions with other people.
Place
The fifth category of our environment is place. Our sages teach (Yevamos 63a) that everyone needs a place in order to actualize himself fully. Aside from its physical dimension, the concept of place includes our ability to “center” ourselves, to seek and foster stability and to feel nurtured and grounded, regardless of the situations in which we find ourselves.
Just as we can expect a flower that is rooted in fertile soil, with open access to the sun, to blossom and produce sweet nectar, so too a person who has the good fortune to be centered and grounded in a place that nurtures inner growth can develop to his fullest potential. Even when our external environment does not satisfy our personal preferences, we have the choice to create a positive inner environment, which will provide the satisfaction and opportunities for self-development that we seek. When a follower of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov complained that his dwelling place caused him to feel isolated and alone, the Rebbe replied, “With a truly Jewish heart a person can feel at home no matter where he finds himself.”
Time
Our sages teach (Avos 4:3) that every individual has a time of special providence, during which he can be truly successful. Aside from its chronological connotation, time also refers to our level of readiness to deal with life and with our challenges; consider the statement, “I’ll be ready in no time!” Time, the sixth category of our environment, refers to our ability to respect our individual process and to accept our personal or environmental limitations. The realization that we must be patient with ourselves and with others as we strive to achieve our goals is one of the most valuable lessons that the concept of time teaches us.
Time allows us to break a huge project into many mini-projects, to which our minds can more easily relate and which feel less overwhelming. Often as we work on an undertaking, our perceptions change and new ideas surface that may enhance the project and even change its original direction to one that is more beneficial or practical. On occasion we may find that working toward a goal for a given period of time gives us a new perspective on it or helps us realize that our objective may be inappropriate or misdirected. Time provides us with the flexibility to decide that it is okay to let go of previously held attitudes and to do something different, rather than wasting more energy on a nonproductive effort.
Sometimes, even with the most positive motivation, the path we choose to follow in life may not be in accord with that which God desires. Rather than engage in a head-on battle with the situations in which we find ourselves, it is important that we learn to respect our process and to develop calm inner equanimity as we move toward the appropriate path. We can then utilize each moment of life to the fullest, with an outlook that is positive and hopeful, without feeling that life is out to block us.
At the end of Yom Kippur one year, the Berditchever Rebbe, Reb Levi Yitzchak, turned to his congregation and said, “In Heaven they have granted me the ability to know what every one of you prayed for, and what God’s response was to each request. Is there anyone here who would like to know what God answered him?”
Many of the congregants felt too embarrassed to volunteer, knowing that they had prayed mostly for livelihood and other physical needs, but the water carrier jumped forward and asked the Rebbe eagerly, “Tell me, Rebbe, what was my request, and how did God respond?”
The Rebbe turned to the water carrier and replied, “You said to God: ‘I work so hard from morning till night to provide the townspeople with water that I’m left with barely any energy to recite the prayers of the evening service before I fall into bed exhausted.’ You begged God to give you one free hour a day so that you could recite some Psalms.”
“That’s true, Rebbe!” the water carrier exclaimed. “And what did God answer?”
The Rebbe smiled warmly and replied, “They said: We don’t want your psalms; we want your water-carrying!”
Position
The seventh category of our environment is position (such as standing, sitting, and so on), which is intimately linked to our perception. A person who is feeling depressed may have a tendency to walk slumped over, whereas someone who is confident will walk upright and will reflect assurance in his gait.
Often, we tend to perceive others as being somehow greater than we are. This can result in depression or lack of motivation, in a feeling that, compared to this other person, our efforts have no value. Alternatively, low self-esteem may delude us into feeling superior to others, convinced that we are far more worthy and correct. The reality is that God gives everyone the special talents and abilities that he needs in order to achieve perfection within the framework of the unique purpose for which he was created and sent to this world. It is also important to bear in mind that although different people have different strengths, nevertheless, compared to God’s Infinite greatness, the differences between our strengths are insignificant, and we all stand equally humble.
The Alter Rebbe of Chabad was once at a wedding at which a badchan, a professional comedian, was performing. When the badchan completed his act the Rebbe asked him to tell a joke. The badchan thought for a moment and then responded. “What is the difference between the Rebbe and me?” the badchan asked the Rebbe in respectful jest. “What I know, the Rebbe also knows, and what the Rebbe doesn’t know, I also don’t know!” He paused for a moment, then threw his punch line. “So how much difference is there? What the Rebbe knows and I don’t know?”
The Rebbe listened and smiled his approval at this cleverly delivered message.
The badchan’s message was that even though a truly great individual may reach a far higher level than an average person, in comparison to God’s greatness, no one can claim to have reached perfection. No person can replace another, for each individual was sent to this world to accomplish his unique purpose.
A friend of mine once entered the study hall full of joy and enthusiasm. When I asked him the reason, he showed me a half-inch cluster of earth with five small wildflowers growing on it, each with a shape and color that was different from the others. “I am bringing this home for my wife. Isn’t it special?”
My friend’s miniature bouquet of flowers was magnificent, for it showed the beauty and uniqueness inherent in the tiniest details of Creation. It was a wondrous sight, and it bore a significant message for all of us: When we use the abilities and opportunities that God gives us, we can truly reach levels of greatness, regardless of what others have done or can do!
Position, therefore, is intimately connected to perception. Our mental perception of ourselves and others allows us to connect to positive self-perception, and to position ourselves for true success in our life and in our endeavors. An open, flexible mindset frees us from the constriction of a rigid outlook. We can take charge of how we view life; we can change our perception from one moment to the next, either by directing our mind to a different thought or by changing body posture, thereby actively moving into a totally different space. The ability to perceive with flexibility rather than with rigidity opens up areas of flowing creativity and allows us to access talents and abilities that previously may have remained untapped.
Possessions
The eighth category of our environment is possessions, which relate to the issue of ownership. Everyone born into this world receives a certain portion of the world with which he interacts, and this portion includes inanimate objects, flora, fauna and human beings. These aspects of the world are intimately connected to his soul-root. By using these spiritual extensions of his soul to serve God, a person elevates and connects them to their Creator, perfecting himself in the process and fulfilling his purpose in creation (see Sefer Avodas Yisrael, Parashas Noach).
Possessions, whether they are physical (such as one’s home, car or furniture), associated with relationships (such as with spouse and children), or spiritual (such as the Torah knowledge one has learned and acquired), all involve responsibility: we are obligated to take care of them.
Thus for example, a person is required to feed his animals before he himself eats. In the realm of relationships, a man must honor his wife more than he honors himself. In the realm of spiritual possessions, a person must review his studies continually, so that he does not forget what he has learned, and he must use his learning to influence others and thereby improve the world. The challenges that come our way through our possessions should elevate our level of awareness.
The Baal Shem Tov was once in his study learning Torah when his assistant announced that a visiting Jew had requested to speak with him. The Baal Shem Tov invited the man in.
“I have a tremendous problem with negative thoughts that trouble me,” the man moaned. “They give me no relief, and I don’t know how to get rid of them.”
The tzaddik listened sympathetically and then responded, “My dear friend, the solution for you is to visit my disciple, Rabbi Wolf Kitzos, a man with great insight. With the help of God, he will assist you! My assistant will give you his exact address and will tell you how to get to his home. May God send you the success that you desire!”
Looking forward to his encounter with Rabbi Kitzos, the man set out eagerly. When he reached Rabbi Kitzos’s town, he asked the local residents for directions to his home. By the time he arrived it was late in the evening and very dark out. He knocked hard on the door but there was no response.
“Perhaps,” he thought to himself, “they’re not at home!”
Then, “No,” he thought, “I see behind the curtains that lights are on, and I can hear his children inside laughing and playing.”
He knocked again, this time more forcefully, but again there was no answer. He tried a few more times, but seeing that he was getting nowhere, he sat down on the doorstep to rest from his wearying trip.
The morning sun woke him. He blinked his eyes, trying to remember where he was. Then he recalled that he had been trying to get in to see Rabbi Kitzos. Suddenly, the door opened and a most distinguished-looking person came out.
“Reb Wolf?” he asked.
“Yes, my friend, I am he,” was the reply.
“Didn’t you hear me knocking last night?” asked the Jew. “Why didn’t you open the door?”
The rabbi looked at him intensely and replied, “I wanted you to know that this is my house, and I am the one who decides who enters and who doesn’t!”
The Jew was somewhat taken back by the rabbi’s reply, but he could not dispute what he had said; this was Rabbi Kitzos’s house, not his! It is only the owner – not the visitor – who decides who enters and who doesn’t!
All at once he understood why the Baal Shem Tov had sent him here; it was to learn the concept of ownership. A person’s mind is his internal dwelling place. He must take responsibility for the thoughts that enter his mind, which is his home!
Active State
The ninth category of the environment is the active state. The active state is related to giving, and giving involves responsibility – not only for making the choice to give, but also for the attitude with which we give. The Talmud (Baba Batra 9b) teaches that one who gives a donation to a poor person receives six blessings from Heaven, but one who gives the donation together with a good word to the poor man receives eleven blessings.
Some people “give in order to give,” while others “give in order to get back.” A renowned Talmudic scholar once stated, “Someone may donate a million dollars to a yeshivah, but if he does so for his own reasons and not to increase Torah or to honor Torah, then that person has simply bought an honorary dinner and a fancy plaque at an enormous price.” In terms of his spiritual development, he has missed the mark!
As individuals relating to other individuals, we are giving constantly. But we need to give with a generosity of spirit – not halfheartedly. We should give not only for our own sake, but for the sake of God. Our giving builds the world, both through what we give and through how we give it.
Receptive State
The tenth and final category of our environment is the receptive state, which alludes to our ability to receive. Some people enjoy giving but are unable to receive. They experience the pleasure and fulfillment in giving but find it humiliating and self-deprecating to receive. This is understandable if the person who is receiving views the help he gets as a gift from another human being; the Talmud states (Berachot 6b) that someone who feels dependent on others experiences so much embarrassment that it can cause him to blush. At the other end of the spectrum, there are people who are engulfed in neediness, like a bottomless pit, who feel that the world is there only to meet their needs and desires.
A balanced attitude toward receiving is essential to our lives. Our sages tell us that even in terms the Divine guidance of the world, God relates to us with a “giving” aspect and a “receiving” aspect. The aspect of “giving” is considered a “masculine” aspect of God, as He provides all our ongoing needs continuously. The aspect of “accepting” is considered a “feminine” aspect of God, as, we are told, He receives enormous pleasure from the good deeds that people do to benefit the world. This is the case even though in truth God lacks nothing.
Giving and receiving are actually states of mind. The Talmud tells us that when a great man receives, that is in fact a form of giving (Kiddushin 7a). People experience immense pleasure when a renowned individual accepts a gift from them; they feel as though they are the recipients rather than the givers. So too, receiving is intimately connected to acceptance, to our ability to nullify ourselves to the will of God, even when life is not in sync with what we would like or with what we feel we need.
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The ten categories of our environment function as an ongoing life cycle, integrating and harmonizing with one another. This, then, is the first element in the Healing Pathways model. Each of these ten categories is intrinsically related to a specific type of perspective, geared to help a person actualize his talents and abilities. In the articles that follow we will discuss these perspectives and the practical value they have to help us flow through life with joy and inner peace, while creating balanced relationships with our family and friends, and while achieving true success and positive self-perception.
Connecting to Your Essential Intrinsic Self >>
